The last Weekend Coffee Share of the year! I have to say, I’m surprised I kept up this blog the whole year. If anything, this blog has helped me process through a lot of difficult moments. In addition to Weekend Coffee Share, I participate in the Photographing Public Art Challenge, the Lens-Artists Photography Challenge, and the monthly #whatsonyourbookshelf. I created a new series on my blog such as “Eat Around the World” where I explore and play with different food themes — I always wanted to incorporate more food posts on my blog. Once in a while, I like to play armchair sociologist where I write about being Asian-American and share some of my observations. I even created a separate blog called “Lana at the Library” where we document Lana’s library haul.
Here’s a photo of me in January 2021, not knowing what the year will bring. We went out to the snow and it was Lana’s first trip to the snow.
And here’s a photo of me on December 16th, 2021. Coincidentally, I’m wearing the same scarf. I just got home from work and I am waiting for dinner to finish cooking. Work has been busy as I am completing a few projects for this week.
I already decided my theme for 2022 would be “(Re)Invigorate.” 2021 has weighed me down and honestly I’ve been feeling low and less motivated. Last year I was pregnant with a newly remodeled living area and now I have not just a baby but two adults living in my house. Caring for the little one is great, but my two BILs are a little challenging. As long as my BILs are living here, I feel less inclined with goal-setting and goal-pursuing which has been detrimental to me. I spend my evening and weekends and cleaning after them and I feel too tired to plan my next project on most days. I also have to add, it’s been pretty expensive supporting them too. For example, just now, the whiskey I was planning to bring for tomorrow’s party is completely gone! I already decided I was going to look for work closer to home — or even transfer to a closer office. I’m not completely unhappy — I just know I can be happier. On most days I find myself going through the motions and rolling through the punches and taking it as is no matter how much it sucks.
Earlier this week, my coworkers suggested I apply for a certain position. This position would be a promotion for me. My coworkers told me, “Come on, you have a Master’s Degree you have to at least apply for this position” — and that’s what shook me…Suddenly I felt invigorated, emboldened, and out of my funk. I know, I know…cue the eye roll. I get it. I already hear the peanut gallery yelling at me “Just because you have a Master’s Degree it does not mean you have skills.” It was such a simple statement, but for me, it felt like validation. It was a reminder that I deserve better, not walked over and dragged around. Ever since I entered my 30s, I observed validation came in the form of how good you look, how well you defy aging, how well you “bounce back” after giving birth, or if you bought a Tesla or some luxury car (even if it’s out of your means) — not if you have a degree. I felt like I was wearing an invisible crown that whole day and I want to feel like that every day — even if people are rolling their eyes at me.
I need to be kinder to myself. I think (Re)Invigorate is an appropriate theme to explore from now and into next year. It’s important I explore and recognize what I’m worth. It was as though I woke up and realized I work, scrimp, and save money so hard in life to only have it taken away.