Door number 1, 2, and 3

** Warning: Long Post **

I just see a person

On Saturday my husband is off to a robotics competition. He’s a coach/mentor for a local high school. BIL #1 and BIL #2 are going to see their mom since it is her birthday. They offered to bring Lana because it would be nice for her to see her grandmother and it would free me up, but I told them she had dance classes and we had other plans. Honestly, I am less enthused about Lana going to MIL’s birthday because I am still bitter about that one spontaneous visit where she compared her with her cousins. But that was only part of it.

From that same weekend on a Saturday morning, I was ready to go to the gym and then I hear the phone ring. I thought it was my phone and I did not think anything of it. I thought, “I’ll pick it up later.” Then I see MIL storm out of Lana’s room running around the living area to look for her phone thinking it was hers and I also heard a thud and Lana crying afterwards. I checked up on Lana as my MIL was frantically looking for her phone. Then she had the nerve to ask me to help look for her phone because she really needed it. I thought to myself “who calls at 7AM on a Saturday? Is this phone more important than calming a one-year old down after you dropped her? Is it more important than the fact that her diaper is incredibly full on top of that?” I took my time calming my kid down and changed her to a fresh, dry diaper. I looked for MIL’s phone after calming her down. That moment set the tone for an icy weekend as Lana did not easily forgive her grandmother. Lana did not want to be picked by her grandmother nor wanted to accept her affection. It was hard to watch as it did hurt MIL’s feelings. But of course, my MIL complained there is something wrong with my daughter *roll eyes*. Thinking about that weekend still makes me bitter, it’s as fresh as I remembered it. I still think she’s a narcisist.

I already declared that I did not want Lana to go to MIL’s birthday because why should she be around someone who makes her feel like garbage. I get that my BILs (and sometimes my husband) see their mom as the matriarch, the queen, someone we need to serve. They see her as Lana’s grandmother, someone Lana has to spend time with. In contrast, I just see her as a person. I judge by actions regardless of who you are.

I am feeling an orange truffle cardamom latte at House Roots Coffee

Love Connection: Interview Edition

My interviews went well overall. For employer #1, I got invited to a second interview next week. This one went a lot better than I expected and I liked what they were offering. More on that in a bit.

Employer #2 was just okay. Employer #2 is the one closest to my house. I thought I was already committed to this employer because of the distance but there were a couple of things that turned me off. During the interview, they asked me about why I am going for a coordinator position if I have Master’s Degree and many years of experience when I should be going for a management or director position. I was a little annoyed, but I told them that I had opportunities for higher positions at other health facilities but I’ve been declining them because they were too far. I thought it would be better to go for a lateral position that was a little closer and grow from there. Based on the interview and what they disclosed, it was not what I expected. There seemed to be a discrepancy in the salary. Last week I was told one number and during the interview, the pay was different and I’d actually be paid less than I was initially told. Upfront they told me the salary is non-negotiable. Also, the benefits package was not as great as I hoped. If I go forward, I may decline the invitation for a second interview.

But here’s a twist: I got invited for an opportunity to interview by my current employer this past Thursday. This position is for an assistant hospital administrator where I would oversee the pediatric department. I got a call on my personal phone and I picked it up because I recognized it as the general employer number. I thought it was my supervisor trying to reach me so naturally, I picked it up. I said, “Hello, (supervisor’s name).” It was not my supervisor who picked up. it was instead an assistant of a C-Suite administrator who told me about this opportunity. I was shell-shocked after the call and sent her my resume as instructed.

In a turn of events, I never thought I would have to choose between Employer #1 and Employer C (my current employer). But this is assuming I receive offers from both of them. Employer #1 is a lateral position that offers flexible hours, I would get to work from home once per week, and I would continue to have a pension. The distance to Employer #1 is already half of my current commute. Employer C on the otherhand is a promotion. If Employer C gives me a break and offered me the position, I would take it. I have applied for hospital administrator positions in Employer #1 and I never got far with it because I do not have the experience.

I mentioned in previous posts I wanted to look for work closer to home because my husband and I already decided she would go to school in near our home. My husband has flexible hours and can work remotely so he’s fine where he is at. I’ve already given myself a deadline to find work closer to home before she starts going to kindergarten. She’s one now and goes to daycare at my work. If I were to take that promotion, I have a few more years left and I would like to use that time to get hospital administrator experience — if I get the offer. My supervisor is in full support of it and will campaign for me to get selected.

What a week!

It was overall a busy week at work and with life. During my busy weeks I like to spend my downtime window shopping on the internet. I don’t buy anything really, more like obsessively research items I am thinking of buying. It will take me a long time before I decide to buy something. It’s not dangerous for my wallet it’s more like dangerous for my productivity. What do you like to do in your downtime?

What else happened this week? I finished another level of Spanish on Duolingo. When I get really busy, one of the first things I drop is practicing Duolingo because I set my daily goal so high at 50 points per day. Rather than doing the maximum daily goal, I set it to 10 points per day so I could at least keep the momentum.

Weekend Coffee Share

7 thoughts on “Door number 1, 2, and 3”

  1. Hi Julie. Wow – something of a whirlwind of a week for you.

    Okay, I want to stay where I belong, just some guy who happens across your posts via blogging, but I have some advice to offer about your MIL situation.

    I believe that people in general can be a real pain and can be dealt with sometimes with harsh means, but when they are family, different rules apply. Few people change when they become parents, so if they started as jerks, they likely will still be such when the child arrives, grows, marries and becomes a F/MIL.
    So we need to accept that it happens (and try not to ever be a jerk ourselves)

    I believe you don’t owe your MIL, your friendship or even your trust — but you do owe her honor. To me, this means I try to never do or say anything publicly that would show them is a negative light. Without being dishonest, I try to honor my parents and in-laws (which for me is much easier as now they’ve all left this life) but still try to say things that improve their standing before whoever I might be talking to.

    Sometimes that takes some cleverness and sometimes it means saying nothing at all. Honesty always trumps everything else, but even negative facts can be presented in simple non-judgmental ways that still honor the person so that people who hear your side of the story would agree that you are giving your in-laws any possible benefit of doubt – thus trying to honor them even when such is not deserved which leave you looking graceful and honest.

    It sounds like you MIL is broken somehow, placing her own issues above both yours and your daughters. Not a pretty sight from someone old enough to know better, but how would a person full of grace depict the situation? Your husband and BIL’s need to see you offering honor and grace to their mom because as the wife and daughter, you have a greater ability to destroy her reputation and life. As your elder, she deserves better. But she does not “deserve” your trust or friendship or unrestricted access to your daughter.

    I advise caution in your situation. Giving honor and grace always looks good on a person if well matched with intelligent management of the personalities involved. You are a very intelligent woman and I’ll bet you can see a way to honor this woman without allowing her close enough to hurt your family until she demonstrates her ability to act more civil around you all.

    Being the adult is sometimes a pain isn’t it?

    I remain proud to know you BTW. You solve hard problems.

    Like

    1. Hello, Gary,
      Blog writing can be really hard because you are sharing a small piece of your life like a short story with a beginning and an end. I have gone through a fair share of indignities from my MIL since I started dating (and marrying) her son throughout the years. If I was actively blogging, I probably would be too embarrassed  to share as a twenty-something year old. There was a time my husband (he was my fiance) did not speak to her for many months. Despite the things she did to me, I always took the higher road and rolled with the punches. I have processed and reframed the situation each time I get knocked down. I have studied her native language. Vietnamese, and I read literature to better understand their culture. I even read children’s books to my daughter in Vietnamese to acknowledge the other part of her.
      What changed was having a kid, I an more sensitive.Seeing my daughter going through the things my husband did not like growing up (i.e. comparing with other kids) broke me down.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I sympathize Julie and sense only that you’re tired of this battle. You sound line a wonderful person yourself.
        I hoped only to remind you of what you most likely already knew and want to remain like. If I knew the magic words to make thus easy on you, they would have been in my first response but I don’t know such words. I hope you rise to remain that DIL who gives her the honor she deserves while finding a way to isolate her from hurting your immediate family.
        I wish I had better advice. 😪

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my goodness, Julie! What a week you’ve had!
    I feel you, really … I still remember when the kids were young, I fastidiously surrounded them with people who I believed championed them. But it’s so tough when you live with extended family – makes it so difficult to moderate contact.

    And what a turn of events on the work/interview front! I love that you have choices, challenging though they are. Wishing you all the best as you go through the decision-making!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree Ju-Lyn. It’s important to teach my kid that she’s more than enough. The other day, Lana learned the concept of using items (i.e. a small chair) to boost herself to get to higher places (i.e. big chair). I was very excited that she was picking that concept up, she understand she may be too small to go on the big chair but found some assistance. It was then diminished by BIL #2 who said “she’s getting there.”

      Like

      1. It’s very challenging to allow growth & exploration when there are those who don’t share your outlook. I feel for you …

        Lara is very fortunate to have a champion like you looking out for her. Hang in there!

        Like

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