Albatross accessories

Earlier this week I got my application and live scan steps to begin the foster parent process. The 20-hour adoption training begins in the fall and I’ve already been pre-registered by the agency. I have the summer to complete the application.

The Happily Ever After fallacy

Last weekend was the weekend I was least looking forward to because it was Mother’s Day weekend. But it turned out really well. On Saturday, I took Lana and the dogs to our local fire station for the annual LAFD open house. Later that day, we went to Orange County to see the in-laws. On Sunday, I took Lana to the Pasadena Kidspace Children’s Museum. She enjoyed it so much that I got us a membership so we can visit more often. Plus we didn’t get to explore the rest of the campus.

Another first

On Friday at Lana’s school they had a Mother’s Day party. I learned that Lana can also count and say colors in Spanish — I had no idea they had Spanish class in pre-school.

How’s the weather?

It has been a month since BIL #1 moved out of my house. I’m not going to lie, it’s been peaceful but I am still pretty annoyed about the way he left. A lot of people have expressed their version of bitterness too. You would think it would be an opportunity for him to step up and help out around the house doing chores, but no, he chose to leave as soon as he can. Perhaps choosing to flee and avoiding to engage in anything to do with his brother is his way of coping with grief?

Scatter

I am so sleepy. I went to a friend’s birthday dinner last night. I need a couple cups of coffee.

The other day I released my first post on my project log, The Buoyancy Blog Project. This blog will remain a personal blog while Buoyancy focuses on resilience whatever that means to someone. It could just mean keeping ourselves afloat or it could be rising and thriving — there’s no “correct” way. I’m no therapist but I wanted another outlet to express myself and connect to people who have gone through a hard time. In that blog, you won’t find toxic positivity and meaningless platitudes and solutions. I plan to only post once per week.

Love is all around us

Donation day

Tuesday, April 18th was the day I was looking forward to: donating money to an organization my husband volunteered at. He volunteered for this high school robotics group for a couple of years and it brought him a lot of joy. I proposed an alternate universe where he had a crowd like them and he’d have a better childhood. I dropped by the school on a good day because the robotics team was in Houston for Worlds. They had no idea about the donation. I suspect they’ll learn about the donation when they come back home later this week.

Feeling chill

We are halfway through April and it’s now over a month since I lost my husband. The other day I got his ashes. The urn has not arrived yet at the funeral. I’ll pick it up next week. Right now it’s in a plastic box. Who knew a small dense box would make me feel so happy, it would hold so much meaning? On Thursday, his army unit had a service for him. It was a three-hour drive from Los Angeles. It was a short casual service, but going there would mean so much to him. On Thursday morning when I got the call from the funeral home that he was there, I stepped out of work (I worked remote that day) to pick him up. It was timely. He was present in all the services, and I know he’d like to be present for his unit’s service.

Coming out on the other side…

Trigger warning: Death, loss, and grief

Taking care of you does not stop…

Trigger warning: Death, loss, and grief

Thank you all for the comments and support. They mean so much to me! I was hoping this week was going to be the week to respond to everyone and comment back. I’ve planning his funeral and this week was my first week back at work (more on that in a bit).

Here are my thoughts of the week:

I think I’ll be busy for a while

Trigger warning: death, loss, grief

Also another warning: here’s a bunch of disparate thoughts.

Where do we go from here on out?

Trigger warning: death, loss, grief

I’m not sure, to be honest. I’ve experienced a tragedy so deep that it’s breaking my heart. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever written.

Remember to breathe…

Currently, I am fighting a sinus infection. I am confident I know the culprit. It was my window. It’s been cold for the past few nights and my window has a tiny opening due to the window AC panels. The bottom of the AC panels leave this tiny gap enough to bring a draft into the bedroom. It’s been unusually cold in Los Angeles for the last few nights, some of the residents here think they may have woken up with Colorado overnight. Right now the simplest solution is to cover the entire window with blackout curtains so no more cold air goes in. We are not using the AC until maybe July.