I am okay if I never get to be the bridesmaid

I was about to release another post about my Asian American experience, but I felt compelled to write about my upcoming four day weekend for this weekend’s Coffee Share. I have a wedding in Temecula on Monday which 100 miles away from my house. Yes, that’s right — a wedding on a Monday evening at 5 PM. We thought maybe the real relaxing can happen on Tuesday making it the fourth day off for recuperating. I kind of know the couple — I know the groom better than the bride. I guess the groom considers my husband as one of his close friend — my husband is one of his groomsmen after all. But the thing is my husband has his one weekend a month of army drill and it’s happening right now. Tomorrow at 5PM is the wedding rehearsal and my husband is still determined to get to the wedding rehearsal in Temecula from Central California (where his army training is at).

The last few days we were figuring out how we can make this possible. Option 1: Do I pick him up from the halfway point when they return to LA and try going to the wedding rehearsal? That drive from our house to the halfway point is 1 hour north and the wedding rehearsal from the halfway point is about 3 hours southeast. At that time, it will be high traffic. I was looking at Google Maps thinking if I picked him up at the halfway point at 2PM — assuming they leave from training at 12 PM with no traffic — we would get to the wedding rehearsal on time or maybe a few minutes late. But these are incredibly optimal conditions. He would have to start leaving from his training no later than noon. Also, this is assuming we never stop for gas or to the bathroom from the halfway point. Lana and I will be driving for four hours total. Looking at the travel times gave me some mild stress which I’ll get into in a little bit.

Option 2: Do I pick him up from LA at the bus terminus? It does not look too bad… I could pick up some early dinner/late lunch on the way picking him up. The travel time from LA would be an hour and half with moderate traffic. But we will still be really late to the wedding rehearsal. It may even be over by then. The hard part is guessing when he would arrive to LA or the halfway point. It really all depends on when training is over, the time they leave, and how much traffic. Also when they de-bus, they don’t go straight to their cars and go home. They do closing stuff too.

Option 3: My parents planted this idea. The last option is decide we WON’T be going to the wedding rehearsal. I just wait for my husband to come home with his carpool as usual. By then it will be closer to 7PM to 8PM. He unpacks all his stuff from drill and we pack up for Temecula making sure we did not forget anything. By then there is no traffic and it would take an hour and a half. It’s not the most favorable idea, but I say I feel the most liberated. But then again, I am not in the wedding party. I can even watch the Oscars from home.

So back that part where I felt a little bit of stress… In my last job I traveled a lot. I mean A LOT all throughout Southern California and I would fly to the Bay Area. There were many days where I would see my weekly calendar and thought “what? I have to get to San Diego by 8AM, that means I have to leave the latest by 5AM to avoid all that traffic.” I would target leaving San Diego by 3PM, but I don’t leave until closer to 5PM and end up getting home after 8PM. That’s one example. Imagine doing this for six years. There was a time I would travel everyday in my car for so many weeks. After a while, I was burnt out. When I was exploring Option 1 with that expectation to arrive by 5PM for the wedding rehearsal made me think about my old job for a little bit. To me, I just don’t ever want to push myself like that. Lately I have found myself trying to do all the things I feel the need to do at the cost of my wellbeing and it just needs to stop. Yesterday, I had to leave early to take Lana to her doctor appointment. I targeted to leave work at 1:30 PM to pick her up from daycare and head to her appointment at 3PM. But then, I got caught up and ended up leaving the office at 2PM finding myself as always in a rush. That is why I find the last option the most appealing.

My husband is still at his army drill. He does not have his phone until his training ends. I am sure as the groomsmen neither are favorable options to get to the wedding rehearsal. I don’t recall us having a wedding rehearsal when we were getting married. We just had a big dinner at a casual restaurant the day before the wedding with our closest friends and family. Our day-of coordinator was there, but it was not fussy of any wedding details who does what and who walks with who for the reception. We did not know what a rehearsal was, we thought it was just another dinner party to see everyone before the wedding. Maybe it was best for us that way because on the day of the wedding we were busy playing host for a large group of people and getting our photos taken rather than chatting and eating.

Update: So we decided to go with Option 3. Just not go to the wedding rehearsal. For me as someone who organizes lots of events at work, a wedding is no different — and I planned my own wedding. It’s the same process as organizing a professional networking event or a conference. But that’s from my point of view. My husband and I decided to spend the rest of our weekend relaxing. My husband can rest on the bus and get his carpool home and NOT worry about fulfilling his groomsmen duties and I can enjoy the Oscars.

Did you do a wedding rehearsal for your wedding? Comment below!