Albatross accessories

Earlier this week I got my application and live scan steps to begin the foster parent process. The 20-hour adoption training begins in the fall and I’ve already been pre-registered by the agency. I have the summer to complete the application.

The Happily Ever After fallacy

Last weekend was the weekend I was least looking forward to because it was Mother’s Day weekend. But it turned out really well. On Saturday, I took Lana and the dogs to our local fire station for the annual LAFD open house. Later that day, we went to Orange County to see the in-laws. On Sunday, I took Lana to the Pasadena Kidspace Children’s Museum. She enjoyed it so much that I got us a membership so we can visit more often. Plus we didn’t get to explore the rest of the campus.

Reads from March to May 2023

I’m sure to those who have been following my blog for some time, you know the news already. For those who haven’t, I lost my husband two months ago. From early March to now, I’ve been reading more books about grief, loss, and different kinds of trauma though my reading time hasn’t been so consistent. I have other things occupying my time like thinking about me and kid’s future. By the time I find time to read on most days, I’m too tired I only read for probably no more than 10 minutes and then I fall asleep.

Another first

On Friday at Lana’s school they had a Mother’s Day party. I learned that Lana can also count and say colors in Spanish — I had no idea they had Spanish class in pre-school.

How’s the weather?

It has been a month since BIL #1 moved out of my house. I’m not going to lie, it’s been peaceful but I am still pretty annoyed about the way he left. A lot of people have expressed their version of bitterness too. You would think it would be an opportunity for him to step up and help out around the house doing chores, but no, he chose to leave as soon as he can. Perhaps choosing to flee and avoiding to engage in anything to do with his brother is his way of coping with grief?

Scatter

I am so sleepy. I went to a friend’s birthday dinner last night. I need a couple cups of coffee.

The other day I released my first post on my project log, The Buoyancy Blog Project. This blog will remain a personal blog while Buoyancy focuses on resilience whatever that means to someone. It could just mean keeping ourselves afloat or it could be rising and thriving — there’s no “correct” way. I’m no therapist but I wanted another outlet to express myself and connect to people who have gone through a hard time. In that blog, you won’t find toxic positivity and meaningless platitudes and solutions. I plan to only post once per week.

Personal finance reflections for March and April

There is so much stuff happening around my world of personal finance. I don’t know where to start because there are too many to list. I am currently:

Love is all around us

Donation day

Tuesday, April 18th was the day I was looking forward to: donating money to an organization my husband volunteered at. He volunteered for this high school robotics group for a couple of years and it brought him a lot of joy. I proposed an alternate universe where he had a crowd like them and he’d have a better childhood. I dropped by the school on a good day because the robotics team was in Houston for Worlds. They had no idea about the donation. I suspect they’ll learn about the donation when they come back home later this week.

Feeling chill

We are halfway through April and it’s now over a month since I lost my husband. The other day I got his ashes. The urn has not arrived yet at the funeral. I’ll pick it up next week. Right now it’s in a plastic box. Who knew a small dense box would make me feel so happy, it would hold so much meaning? On Thursday, his army unit had a service for him. It was a three-hour drive from Los Angeles. It was a short casual service, but going there would mean so much to him. On Thursday morning when I got the call from the funeral home that he was there, I stepped out of work (I worked remote that day) to pick him up. It was timely. He was present in all the services, and I know he’d like to be present for his unit’s service.

Coming out on the other side…

Trigger warning: Death, loss, and grief

I can only give this eulogy once

…so I will make the most of it!

Here is my eulogy. I needed to share not just the good things but also the struggles that made him who he was. Unfortunately, I don’t have a recording of reading the eulogy but I do have this draft below — I apologize for the typos. I highlighted certain sections in blue because I did consider omitting these parts in the eulogy. Gladly I did not omit anything when I went up to speak. My husband got the eulogy he deserved. Honestly omitting the “bad” parts would have done him a disservice for the sake of making a few people feel good about themselves.

Enjoy!

Grievances from my husband

Trigger warning: Death, loss, and grief