It wasn’t until Wednesday I learned there was going to be a winter storm in California. Is that why the air has been getting so cold? My coworker got a text from a friend who lives in Pasadena saying that it was hailing on her side in Los Angeles.
Thursday I worked from home. If I didn’t look at the weather forecast for the next ten days, I would have prepared for a beautiful weekend. Sure it rained on Wednesday night but on Thursday morning, the sky looked beautiful. Then came the intermittent intense storms. On Sunday, I was planning on taking my kid to this outdoor cycling event…but if it rains, maybe she can take her tricycle around the mall?
On Friday, we went to Lana’s daycare owner’s birthday party. We braved the heavy rain on Friday night.
Today (Saturday), we got a tiny bit of sun. Then it hailed shortly after.
Another one of my cultural critiques
I am looking at my social media feed and I see one of my male friends posting a photo of his trip to Japan. I thought, “didn’t he just have a baby?” I guess something, dare I say…triggered me? I was kind of put off by it. I get that he’s traveling for this car event, it is his hobby and it’s his passion. And I am NOT framing him as a terrible person or terrible father — I’m sure this trip was planned far in advanced. And I don’t want to frame myself as a man-hater…but I want to call out this struggle that a lot of moms — especially new moms have. Plenty of moms lament how they miss their hobbies and how they don’t have time for anything that pursues them joy because they’re too occupied with the kids and the home. Before having a kid I had a lot of hobbies and I feel two years post-partum I am finally getting my hobbies back in my life. I guess new dads can pursue their hobbies soon after the kid is born? I am blowing some steam.
Before Lana was born, H told me that if I want to go out with my friends, I should go ahead and not feel guilty about it. But the thing is, an evening to hang out with my friends in the bar isn’t exactly sustainable because firstly, why does it have to be a singular evening? Also, we’re not in our early 20s anymore. My friends aren’t really into alcohol or late nights anymore. I told him his idea came from a good place but it does not solve the equity problem between new moms and dads. Sometimes (err…a lot of the times?) partners can be oblivious to the invisible, mental load moms and main caregivers go through. Maybe it should have been re-worded as, “if you need to pursue your hobbies, go ahead.” It’s okay to go to that monthly book club or do your daily run or go to pottery class on Thursdays after work, etc. Finding a way to support each other’s hobbies is a long-term thing, not a singular one-off evening. Plus hobbies are more meaningful than an evening at the bar or an afternoon at a spa.
Things I’ve been enjoying lately:
Stationery stores or stationery sections within a store – I think I am more of an admirer of stationary stores and sections. I really don’t need to buy any more stationery because I already have a lot of it and I’ve hardly touched some of them in the last couple of years. In fact, I’ve been giving away a lot of my stationery and craft supplies to teachers for their classrooms,
When I made Valentine’s Day cards for Lana earlier this month, it was the first time I used my craft supplies in while. A couple of days ago, I used stamps and watercolors to decorate a birthday care for Lana’s daycare owner. Though I’ve been giving away my supplies, I still have more than enough on-hand for future craft projects. I am going to guess the next craft project will be for Easter.
Pachinko by Min Jin Lee – I generally save my book reviews for my monthly book review post but I just finished the audiobook as of today for a book club. I thoroughly enjoyed this book. It has definitely made it to my top picks for the year.
Eat, Play, Live 
Ooh! I love a good stationary store! I found it so hard being a new mom because I both wanted to have that time to myself and yet I never truly wanted to leave my baby either. And.. it doesn’t stop there either. I stumbled upon an article/blog post about the “default” parent and all the jobs that the other parent doesn’t even know existed– I had my husband read it and he agreed that he had no idea 1/2 those things were even jobs! I think that’s why I am LOVING these teenage years! I enjoyed each and every stage along the way but these have really been relaxing years for me.
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Hello, Joanne! What’s the article? I’d love to show that to my husband. I think I am going to be the parent that enjoys and appreciates each stage of development. Then again, I consider myself a human development nerd too. I feel the toddler years are better than the newborn years because she can entertain herself. The hard part is getting her to eat all her food.
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Hi Julie,
I’m on your side with the guys / gals nights out, but the burnout of daily work is often hard on the one who doesn’t assume most of the work of child (or other) care.
There is a huge expectation on guys to be the bread winner for the family – even if the wife works, much of society frowns on any man who would stay home with the kids while his wife worked to pay the mortgage and food and insurance and, and, and . . .
I really do think that the kids need both parents to be present enough to be part of the process. I feel like I’m on of the rare guys who had to be in the room with my wife and doctor when it was time to deliver. I wanted to be the first person to hold my child (I managed to catch only one of three though) I got up with them in the middle of the night when my wife wanted to keep working. She’d finally gave in and was a stay at home mom for #3. I fed them, changed diapers- got them dressed – bathed, etc. etc. I also was more than willing to watch the gang when she needed time away with her friends. So for us, this was not much of an issue. I think fatherhood is much better when you’re part of the action, learning how to both raise them and keep them alive.
It’s saddens me when other dads avoid doing all this with their kids. A guy who does this really misses a lot of their kids’ life.
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Hello, Gary, I feel like when it comes to parenting, there are no winners. Society can frown at the woman if she’s the breadwinner because it implies she’s not there for her kids. I remembered some family members weren’t thrilled about me putting my kid in daycare. But what choice did we have? We didn’t have family who wanted to move in to help us care for the kid and we didn’t want to move closer to family (and further away from our jobs and other employment opportunities). It feels like there are no winners…but then again…I am very happy with my kid’s daycare so I guess that makes me the winner. My husband and I are currently tag-teaming on days when we don’t have daycare. I know a lot of people who wish they have “our freedom” of not having family as a babysitter/nanny because they find family difficult to deal with. I am lucky my kid is healthy most days but when we get a call from school that she’s not feeling well, it’s only my husband or me who have to pick her up. We are also lucky that we have jobs that allow us remote time and paid sick hours if we choose. For other parents who are complaining about family, they can delegate the care quickly.
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